Thursday, December 31, 2015

Saturday, December 26, 2015

"Last Christmas" profiling

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
εκείνη η μια βραδυά που ήταν το κορίτσι λιώμα, εσύ την καψουρεύτηκες
But the very next day you gave it away.
αλλά την επόμενη που έγινε πάλι λιώμα, πήγε με τον Κώστα. ουπς.
This year, to save me from tears
ένα χρόνο μετά, εσύ ακόμα καψούρης από εκείνο το 'μπλακ αουτ' της
I'll give it to someone special.
ξέρεις, πιο 'loser' πεθαίνεις

Once bitten and twice shy
σαράντα χρονών και μένεις με τη μαμά σου
I keep my distance
και καλά φέτος κρατάς πόζα και κάνεις τον δύσκολο
But you still catch my eye.
αλλά απ' ό,τι φαίνεται, το ίδιο λιγούρης παρέμεινες

Tell me, baby, do you recognize me?
προσπαθεί η κοπέλα να το ξεχάσει, αλλά σιγά μην την αφήσεις
Well, it's been a year, It doesn't surprise me
μιλάμε δικαολογείς το φτύσιμο, τόσο ανέπαφος

(Merry Christmas)
Καλά Χριστούγεννα και καλά κρασιά (θα ήθελες)

I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying, "I love you," I meant it
η κοπέλα έχει μετανιώσει που δεν έκατσε σπίτι της κι εσύ επιμένεις
Now I know what a fool I've been.
Άργησες, αλλά την έλυσες την εξίσωση, Αινστάιν
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again.
Δεν είναι εκεί το θέμα, αγάπη μου. Αυτή καλύτερα να φίλαγε εξάτμηση.

Oh, oh, baby.
A crowded room, Friends with tired eyes.
Ένας χρόνος μετά, το ίδιο αλκοολικοί όλοι, μια χαρά
I'm hiding from you αnd your soul of ice.
Μη μπαίνεις στον κόπο και κρύβεσαι, είναι σα να μην υπάρχεις
My god I thought you were someone to rely on.
Ναι, καλός profiler είσαι. Όλα τα πιάνεις στον αέρα
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.
Δεν ήταν κλάμα, ήταν άλλο. Αλλά άντε να σου εξηγήσω..

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart.
Μίλα για πάρτη σου. Το κορίτσι είδηση δεν πήρε
A man under cover but you tore me apart, ooh-hoo.
 να σου πω, η περίπτωσή σου είναι κλινική.
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again.
Όσα δε φτάνει η αλεπού τα κάνει κρεμαστάρια

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart (I gave you my heart)
βαριέμαι ήδη, κόβω φλέβες
A man under cover but you tore him apart
φαντάσου όταν σου έρθει κι ο ένφια τι θα πάθεις
Maybe next year I'll give it to someone
Μπορεί. Αλλά χλωμό το βλέπω με τέτοια μιζέρια
I'll give it to someone special.
Πολύ κιμπάρης είσαι. Μάλλον θες να τη δώσεις γιατί ούτε εσύ δεν την αντέχεις

Friday, December 25, 2015

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Στο κέντρο είχε πολλή κίνηση, κοσμοσυρροή, άνθρωποι πήγαιναν και ερχόνταν, πολλοί ζητιάνοι στα πεζοδρόμια, παιδιά που έτρεχαν για τα κάλαντα. Έτσι είναι οι Παραμονές. Πολυπληθείς και υπερκινητικές. Ζαλάδα.
Η οστεώδης υπερήλικη στη γωνία Βασ. Σοφίας και Μαρασλή καθόταν σαν άγαλμα στο παγκάκι. Με το βλέμμα καρφωμένο στην παραίτηση και το κορμί σε άψογη ορθή γωνία. Μια τόσο τέλεια στάση ενενήντα μοιρών που έκανε όλους τους άλλους να φαίνονται ατσούμπαλοι και τεθλασμένοι. Ήταν η απόλυτη αποτύπωση της Παραμονής του Τίποτα και της προσμονής του κανενός. Με μια απόκοσμη έλλειψη απόγνωσης και ανάγκης, πέρα από κάθε φιλανθρωπία, βασίλισσα της ξεπεσμένης επικράτειας.  Σαν την πανσέληνο που ανέτειλε λίγη ώρα μετά.
"Δε σε ξέρω, δε με ξέρεις, αλλά είμαι εδώ, ακίνητη και είσαι καταδικασμένη να με κοιτάς με δέος και να αναρωτιέσαι πόσο μακριά είμαι και πόσο δε με νοιάζουν όλα αυτά που σε προβληματίζουν." 

Monday, December 14, 2015


Don’t spit. Don’t talk loud. Don’t swear. Don’t sit with your legs parted, your panties will show. Stop at three glasses of wine, orelse you can get into trouble. You can even get pregnant and would have to travel to another state in order to ‘deal’ with it. If you are lucky, you can make your choice, all alone, in secret, without getting shamed by packs of pro-lifers.

Cut your hair short. No, keep it long. No, layered. Straight. Better, curly. Get highlights, throw peroxide, or throw a grenade, for what it matters. Never wear loose clothes and plaids. It is not sexy. They will call you frigid, a lesbian, they will say you have a body problem. Wear your clothes tight, let your curves show. Loose is ok, if the fashion demands it. Be careful not to blind yourself with hairspray. Don’t choke with your choker. Learn how to be feminine and seductive on 4 inch spikes, while walking on cobblestone.

Your perfect weight is 49 kilos and 300 grams. That is what the international protocol commands. Lose weight. Lose more. The holidays are coming and you are going to gain it back, for sure. Forget fried food, you will get cellulite. Only boiled food is good. Forget taste. It is all in the head. Don’t eat sweets. Avoid chocolate during your period, you will get pimples. Eat chocolate before your period, it helps with pms.

Study something you like. Work in a job that you love, to feel fulfilled. If you can’t do that, have a career to prove to yourself and the others how much you are worth. Get paid less than the men in equal positions and pretend you don’t care. Don’t lose yourself in the job, because you will end up a spinster. Find a man to make a family. When you do, have lots of sex, so that you do not lose him. Have kids before you are thirty. A woman without kids is like a car without wheels. Stop working immediately! Otherwise, you will feel guilty for missing the best times with your kids. Of course, it is going to be hard to find a job again after your kids go to school. You have kids now, you see and bosses do not like it. If you are fortunate, you will find something half as challenging as what you were doing. Half is good. Take it.

Why are you frowning? You’ve got it all! Work, kids, house, husband, a dog and a hamster. How’s multitasking working for you? Children are everything. Children are happiness. Children are clinging on you until they are twelve and after twelve they don’t want to know you. They wouldn’t be caught dead with you in the mall. They bang their bedroom doors with the ‘keep away’ sign on your face. They make holes in their bodies that hide from you, unless they get an infection.

I see you put on weight. I think you are eating chocolate in secret. Lose them pounds. No, don’t! You will get shaggy now, at this age. I don’t know. Do what you will. Listen to the voices in your head. It is really hard to stay off the market. Your man becomes sexier with grey hair. You just get old.

Paint it black. After staying forty-five for twenty years, it is already time for pension. You cannot conceal your age anymore. Embrace the positive. Your periods stopped. You do not bleed and hurt anymore like you are shot every month. You just have to deal with hot flashes and migraines that drive you crazy. But, hey, you can’t get pregnant anymore. Wait, who would want to get you pregnant? Even eighty-year old men go after women half their age. Why would you be an exception? Hell, you might be the exception after all! Enjoy it like a maenad, before estrogens and libido take a hike and leave you alone with the image in the mirror. Have botox. Have a nip tuck, get a facelift, take hormones. No, it will be soon that you will get wrinkly again, or you will look like a swollen goldfish, or you’ll get cancer. Take deep breaths. Take a holiday.

Wait! You can’t go. Your daughter is having a baby and needs your help, since she gets no paid leave from work. Help her. Your child’s kid is twice your kid. Help…Don’t be a pussy, don’t whine. You have no excuse to be self indulgent. You have plenty of time now and you are alone. Your sexier ex is dining with another. Good. No need for botox anyway. You can be yourself, embrace your wrinkles and your extra fat. You can enjoy your wine that puts you to sleep, you can finally eat your chocolate in the open, the 70% cocoa chocolate that raises the level of serotonin. You can read your book in bed without having to turn off the light and stare at the dark. You can be spiritual know and not make fun of those who hope for an afterlife. You can even hope for another life, where you will be reborn as an XX again and do the same things you did in this lifetime. Again. 
Just hope to be lucky enough not to be born where they will cover you with this black sheet from top to bottom, because your previous life will feel like you were in heaven.

(translation from my article in

Thursday, December 10, 2015


Explossive Accumulation of Ridiculous Thugs aka Humans

Tuesday, December 08, 2015


My photo
i have nothing to declare, but a can of tuna